Happy Anniversary to me!

Well, not just me! Obviously a wedding anniversary needs a husband. And boy do I have a husband to big up.

8 years ago I stood on a beach in Mauritius and pledged my love to him.

getting-married-in-mauritius

And I would do it again now. Today. In an instant. He’s my lobster (Friends reference, if you don’t get it then soz, but that’s what Google is for)

This year has been tough and challenging and difficult. And he’s been amazing. He gets me. He understands me (mainly). And when he doesn’t understand, he still knows how to cope with me. Whether that’s letting me get drunk and rant (not big and not clever, but sometimes necessary), or hugging me while I cry, or leaving me to stew on things when he can tell that’s what I need – he just gets it.

me-and-the-husband

The husband completes me. He also infuriates me. I think that’s healthy. I don’t think the sun shines out of his ass. Sometimes I want to punch him in the face. But always with love (so don’t judge me, yeah?!) Yes we argue, and yes he makes me cross, and yes I make him cross, but that’s life. It’s healthy. I don’t hold shit against him, and he doesn’t with me (although sometimes he threatens to throw my shoes out if I don’t tidy up). But sometimes, even right in the middle of a disagreement, I’m already looking for a way out. A backtrack. Because I hate us not being friends. That’s the main thing that we’re both here for. He’s my very best friend.

Someone at work (a boy, obvs) said last week “well it’s only 8 years, so not a massive anniversary”. And I was very vocal in my level of disagreement. Not because I’m married. But because I appreciate the value of marriage. Every wedding anniversary is important. Every day as a married couple is important. Because marriage isn’t easy. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not overly hard – if it is you should probably throw the towel in. But anyone who gets married expecting nothing but hearts and flowers is misguided.

The best things in life are worth working at.

So, to my husband, my other half, the tonic to my vodka…

Happy Anniversary sunshine. Same time next year, yeah?

Read more about the planning process of getting married abroad and our big day.

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

7 years and counting – it’s my Wedding Anniversary!

Well, not just mine obviously. It takes 2 people to have an Anniversary. And I couldn’t be happier with who I get to share mine – The Husband.Love blocks

Although I refer to him quite a lot on here, I don’t share a lot of detail about him. I don’t really think it would be fair, because this is my blog and my choice to share my thoughts with the world few people that read it. I shouldn’t really drag him into it.

But because it’s a special day, I’ll tell you a little bit about him and our marriage.

  • We were very good friends for 2 years before we got together, so by the time we became a couple we already knew all the bad bits, the exes, etc!
  • We’ve been together for 10 and a half years
  • We moved in together after just 8 months (I didn’t wait for him to ask me, I told him I was moving into his flat – no point hanging about when you know it’s right!)
  • We don’t have, or want, any children. It’s just “not us”
  • We got married on a beach in Mauritius, just the two of us
  • We had a “second wedding” the day after we got home for family and friends (a renewal of vows ceremony)
  • He’s 7 years older than me, but just as silly and daft as I am
  • He has long blonde hair, 2 full sleeve tattoos, wears earrings and looks NOTHING like when we got married!
  • He owns a red sparkly Harley Davidson
  • He’s a MASSIVE music geek, and knows the release year of pretty much everything ever, even stuff that’s not his genre
  • He still makes my heart go boom-diddy
  • He’s my best friend in the whole wide world

Here’s a picture of us on our wedding day.

Us on our wedding day

And here’s one of us taken at Moseley Jazz Festival this summer.

Us at Moseley Folk Festival

Here are 10 of the (many) things I love about him:

  • He’s seen me through some tough personal emotional and mental times, with more to come, and been my absolute rock
  • He occasionally lets me plait his hair like he’s my own personal Girls World
  • He thinks that wine cures everything and always tells me to have one more glass
  • He always smells delicious, even after the gym
  • He’s very very funny and daft and indulges me in silly in-jokes
  • He uses the blonde girl in the orange jumper phone emoticon to represent himself when he texts me, because he knows it makes me smile
  • He’s always got hair product I can borrow
  • He’s tall so I can wear the highest heels, and has really manly broad shoulders to give good cuddles
  • He loves clothes and always gives me good advice when I buy stuff (only if I ask for it, he’s not a control freak!)
  • He accepts me, warts and all

The last one might be the most important of all. I’m not the easiest person in the world to be in a relationship with; I’m very untidy, I have too many parcels delivered, I can be short-tempered and irritable. My mental stability has been questionable in the past, I drink too much and I’m constantly nagging to go places and see stuff.

But somehow, it works. And it works brilliantly. And I hope we have many many more years to come.

I know he’ll read this at some point, so:

“I love you Husband!”

The Ashley Madison “cheaters website”

Regular readers will know by now that I love having my say on stuff that’s in the media and I don’t feel I can let this Ashley Madison hoo-hah pass without sticking my oar in.

Shame on anyone who is an active member of this website. You’re despicable.

Ashley Madison logo

I’m not naïve. I know affairs happen. People grow apart. People change and sometimes become different people than when they first got together with their partner. People fall out of love. It’s life. It’s a sad part of life, but it’s life none the less. And yes, sometimes a person in a relationship – be that long term or married – will meet another person who knocks them off their feet, with whom the chemistry is unmistakable and sometimes they will act upon that emotion. You would hope that, in those cases, they have the good morals to finish their existing relationship; either prior to anything happening with the new person or immediately after things start to develop.

I also know that isn’t always the case. Like I said, I’m not naïve.

But to actively go looking for it? To sign yourself up to a website that will match you with someone – willingly cheating? Well that’s a whole different ball game. That really is wanting to have your cake and eat it. That’s putting yourself out there as someone who’s morals are so poor that they’re actively chasing a lying, conniving and secretive set of circumstances which can potentially really hurt a lot of people. That’s saying that you’re so open to having an affair that you don’t even want to leave it to chance that it might happen. You want a guaranteed “bit on the side”.

I’m sure there are excuses. “My husband works long hours” or “my wife cares more about the kids than me”. The good old “my partner doesn’t understand me and we haven’t had sex in years”. Yadda yadda. I call bullshit. Or, is the point of this website that you don’t need to make excuses? Everyone knows the score so you don’t have to pretend? There’s no reason to try and explain away your cheating because that’s why everyone’s a member?

Why do people cheat? If it is because there’s something missing in their marriage or long term relationship then get out. If not for yourself, to improve your own life, then for the other person. Because if they find out you’re cheating things will get a whole lot worse. Cheating with someone who you like more than your partner isn’t going to make your “real” life any better.

Your relationship should, ultimately, make you happy. People have tough times of course, but if the bad outweighs the good then it should be au revoir. Better to be alone than trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.

A friend of mine (“Hi Cookie!”) posted this article on Facebook today. And it’s true. Even in long term relationships it’s true. I’ve been married for 7 years next month and some days I still miss my husband when we’re both at work. I look forward to getting home to him at night. His texts make me smile. And I’m not being a smug married here. I’m just saying I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t make me feel that way. It would be empty. And you certainly don’t fill emptiness by creating a secret life in which you’re content for a while and then have to return to miserable reality.

Even worse – if there isn’t anything missing in your relationship and you just want something extra, well then you stink. Seriously. Have a fucking word with yourself. And I sincerely hope that your partner sees your name on the list and takes you to the cleaners. Because you deserve it.