Regular readers will know by now that I love having my say on stuff that’s in the media and I don’t feel I can let this Ashley Madison hoo-hah pass without sticking my oar in.
Shame on anyone who is an active member of this website. You’re despicable.
I’m not naïve. I know affairs happen. People grow apart. People change and sometimes become different people than when they first got together with their partner. People fall out of love. It’s life. It’s a sad part of life, but it’s life none the less. And yes, sometimes a person in a relationship – be that long term or married – will meet another person who knocks them off their feet, with whom the chemistry is unmistakable and sometimes they will act upon that emotion. You would hope that, in those cases, they have the good morals to finish their existing relationship; either prior to anything happening with the new person or immediately after things start to develop.
I also know that isn’t always the case. Like I said, I’m not naïve.
But to actively go looking for it? To sign yourself up to a website that will match you with someone – willingly cheating? Well that’s a whole different ball game. That really is wanting to have your cake and eat it. That’s putting yourself out there as someone who’s morals are so poor that they’re actively chasing a lying, conniving and secretive set of circumstances which can potentially really hurt a lot of people. That’s saying that you’re so open to having an affair that you don’t even want to leave it to chance that it might happen. You want a guaranteed “bit on the side”.
I’m sure there are excuses. “My husband works long hours” or “my wife cares more about the kids than me”. The good old “my partner doesn’t understand me and we haven’t had sex in years”. Yadda yadda. I call bullshit. Or, is the point of this website that you don’t need to make excuses? Everyone knows the score so you don’t have to pretend? There’s no reason to try and explain away your cheating because that’s why everyone’s a member?
Why do people cheat? If it is because there’s something missing in their marriage or long term relationship then get out. If not for yourself, to improve your own life, then for the other person. Because if they find out you’re cheating things will get a whole lot worse. Cheating with someone who you like more than your partner isn’t going to make your “real” life any better.
Your relationship should, ultimately, make you happy. People have tough times of course, but if the bad outweighs the good then it should be au revoir. Better to be alone than trying to fit a square peg into a round hole.
A friend of mine (“Hi Cookie!”) posted this article on Facebook today. And it’s true. Even in long term relationships it’s true. I’ve been married for 7 years next month and some days I still miss my husband when we’re both at work. I look forward to getting home to him at night. His texts make me smile. And I’m not being a smug married here. I’m just saying I couldn’t be with him if he didn’t make me feel that way. It would be empty. And you certainly don’t fill emptiness by creating a secret life in which you’re content for a while and then have to return to miserable reality.
Even worse – if there isn’t anything missing in your relationship and you just want something extra, well then you stink. Seriously. Have a fucking word with yourself. And I sincerely hope that your partner sees your name on the list and takes you to the cleaners. Because you deserve it.