Tag: Twit of the Day

“Lady doritos?” Twit of the Day!

It’s been ages since I’ve done a Twit of the Day post – not because there aren’t any twits about; mainly because very little shocks me at the moment in terms of the amount of stupidity in the world.

But I couldn’t let this story pass without comment. The CEO of the manufacturers of Doritos – PepsiCo –  has publicly announced that they’re looking into creating “less crunchy” crisps for women, that “fit more easily into a handbag”. Apparently women don’t like to crunch too loudly in public, or get their fingers covered in flavouring and have to lick it off, or tip the almost empty bag up to filter all the last bits of tastiness out of the corners (the best bit, IMO).

I have two questions here.
1) Who are the idiot women who responded to this survey? (presuming this is based on actual research and not some hair brained idea from someone within the company)
2) How patronising are the Doritos people?

I know there are certain unspoken rules around food consumption, like don’t order spaghetti bolognese on a first date (although I say stuff that, if you want it have it – food before dudes every time! Then again it’s easy for me, as a smug married, to surmise how I would behave, when in fact the world of modern dating and it’s throw away culture scares the bejesus out of me).

But really, crisps for women?

At a time when female equality is probably receiving the most media exposure of recent years?

At a time when the UK has just marked 100 years of women being allowed to vote?

What’s worse, PepsiCo’s CEO is a woman…

I do hope they’ll be in a pink packet.

Indra Nooyi, you’re my Twit of the Day!

What are your thoughts? Are you a loud and proud eater? Or would you welcome more discreet snack options? Let me know!

Thanks, as always, for reading. x

0

Oh Topshop, what were you thinking?

Have you ever put on a pair of jeans and wished there was a window to your knees?

No? Then you’re not the target market for Topshop’s latest denim design.

I can’t think who they think the target market is, but somebody somewhere thought there was a gap in the market for a pair of jeans with see through plastic knee patches.

So many questions. The main one being “why?” Followed by “why, why, WHY?” Followed by “wouldn’t they make your knees sweat?”, “wouldn’t they steam up?” and “WHY?” quite a few more times.

I could write at length about how fecking ridiculous these things are, but what would be the point? I think everyone reading this knows how ridiculous they are, without me helping you along in the thought process!

(Do take a moment to read the product reviews though, if you fancy even more of a giggle)

Not quite as bad, but still downright ridiculous are these party skirt jeans, which are also available on their website.

Topshop skirt overlay jeans

Topshop – Twit of the Day!

Thanks, as always, for reading. x

0

M&S – you’re crackers! (Twit of the Day!)

Last Sunday one of our friends came round for lunch (I do cook a mean roast, even if I say so myself).

Instead of dessert, he brought round a cheeseboard. Genius decision – I frickin’ love cheese.

Now, I know M&S is a stalwart of all things amazeballs to eat, and their TV adverts can turn me into a dribbling mess of food desire, but I have to call them out on their cracker “serving suggestion”.

A stack of 7 crackers with a wedge of cheese on it? Who has a mouth that big? Or that moist?

2017-02-25-19-35-05

M&S…you usually smash it, but instead you’re my Twit of the Day!

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

0

National Pothole Day?! TWITS!

I haven’t done a Twit of the Day for ages, but this one just screams to be shared!

These days there’s a national day for everything. It used to just be things like Mothers Day, Saints Days and a special day for that Jesus fella, but nowadays every day is a something day!

Case in point – according to the trending hashtags on Twitter, today is National Pothole Day.

national-pothole-day

WHAT????

Why on earth would you need a day for potholes? What are we doing on this day? Thinking of potholes? Celebrating potholes? Adopting a pothole?

Ridiculous, is what it is. Councils should be thinking of (and doing something about) potholes all year round. Not just on one day.

Whoever came up with this is my Twit of the Day!

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

0

Love is…a tattooed face?

It’s no secret that I’m a big fan of tattoos. But I think it’s important to have boundaries.

Without doubt, I would draw the line at face tattoos or boyfriend’s name tattoos.

Not everyone feels that way.

For some people, like this twit here, it makes sense to combine both!

boyfriends-name-tattooed-on-face

Yep, this imbecilic fecking eejit has not only had her boyfriend’s name tattooed on her, she’s had it done above her eyebrows.

Twice.

One is his forename and the other is his nickname.

Not only that, she’s only 20.

And also they’ve only been together since February this year.

Oh, and he’s also tattooed his name on 38 of his ex girlfriends.

Now I’m no detective, but all this points to a very big mistake. Huge (Pretty Woman reference there).

So many whys?????

So much disbelief!!!!

A lot of laughter!!

This isn’t a Twit of the Day. This is a Twit of the YEAR!!!

Thanks, as always, for reading. x

 

0

Botox for balls? (Twit of the Day!)

The beauty of the internet is that you find out about things you would never usually come across in everyday life.

Similarly, the horror of the internet is… Yep, you get the drill.

People, I give you…SCROTOX.

Literally botox for bollocks. What the actual living, chuffing hell?

wrinkly-nuts

Who does this? Who thought of this? Who would pay £2,800 for this?

Find out more, including the supposed benefits here.

Now, I’m no expert (after all, the husband might be reading), but aren’t balls supposed to be wrinkly and a bit sweaty?

Haven’t men (and women) managed for years without sticking needles in their plums? Aren’t good hygiene and clean pants enough to keep the downstairs region fresh? Do balls need to look bigger? Does it make a difference? I’ve never judged a man on the size of his knackers.

(also, how many more words for testicles can I fit into this post????)

Scrotox givers and receivers doctors and patients – Twit(s) of the Day!

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

 

0

When Britain Bites… (Twit of the Day)

When I was in Greece (I know, I know, I’ll talk about something else soon, honest!) I only got bitten 3 times during the whole week, and even then they didn’t cause me any bother at all.

On Tuesday night I got bit in my own bed a total of 10 times! In one night! By one lone ranger insect!

I know it was a lone ranger because I both spotted it and heard it. It started in the lounge and must have followed me to bed (stalker). I could hear it bouncing off the walls and buzzing around but I naively thought you don’t get mosquitoes in England (I’ve since been advised that you do). So when the husband told me there was a mosquito buzzing around, I poo-pooed him as one may brush off a silly child and went to sleep.

Now who feels silly? I’m my own twit of the day!

A twit for not trying to catch the blighter. A twit for thinking I wouldn’t be bitten. And a twit for being so uncovered in bed. I even have a bite on my right bum cheek!

What’s worse is that they’re the itchy type and they’re swelling. I don’t need any help with my bum cheeks getting bigger, thank you very much!

Itch

We were on holiday a few years ago (in Greece again, actually) and it was incredibly hot so I slept butt naked on top of the sheets. I woke up one morning to find not one but three mozzie bites right in my bum crack!! One must have flown in there and bounced around trying to bite his way out. It was pretty uncomfortable, and it’s not really the done thing to be walking around scratching the depths of your arse in public. And antihistamine cream down there isn’t particularly nice either…

Have you got any funny bite stories?

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

0

Twit of the Day – silly swimwear buyers, sellers and designers

Being, as I am, on a holiday tip and also being, as I am, less slim than last time I went on holiday, I’ve been shopping online for bikinis. My criteria is simple – minimal tan lines and enough fabric to cover more than my pubic region. What most people would look for in a bikini, no?

ASOS seemingly has other ideas!

All those straps, you’d look ridiculous after a day of sunbathing!

Strappy bikini top

Good luck with wearing a low neck top after sunbathing in this.

Crossover bikini top

Silly bottoms.

I’m no prude but this is verging on indecent.

Strappy bikini bottoms

 

What happens when you wear a strappy top at night or a different style bikini the next day and you’ve got white bands on your arms?

Off shoulder bikini

It’s nice for clothes to be decorative and pretty rather than purely functional, but really?

I probably shouldn’t single out ASOS as I’m sure this kind of daftness is prevalent in many high street shops too.

Is it just me? Or is this just silly?

Twits!

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

0

What a waste of money (Twits of the Day)

Budgeting is tough, as is deciding what to spend money on (and what not to spend it on!) When you’ve worked hard for your cash, you want the best return possible – whether that’s new clothes, a nice holiday, or good food.

What about on a bigger scale though? Public spending of taxpayers money? I’d certainly never want a budgeting job at local or national level, but still you’d think the same rules would apply. What’s the best way to spend this public money, that taxpayers have worked hard for, to contribute to the running of the country? Waste of money

(image from blog.mint.com)

Which is why the Conservative Party is my Twit of the Day for spending £9 million (yes, million) on creating, printing and posting a 14 page booklet to every home in the UK outlining the reasons why we as a nation should vote to stay in the EU. Baring in mind that the yes and no brigades have already been given an allocation of public cash to deliver their message and fight their corner, this is both unfair and a blatant misuse of funds.

I’ll just repeat that figure in case you missed it. £9 million.

Think of the old people in care who’ve had to sell their homes and livelihood to fund their aging needs in sub standard accommodation with poorly trained carers.

Think of the junior doctors who only want a fair wage for an amazing job but are being screwed over by Jeremy Hunt.

Think of the homeless people who will be sleeping on the cold wet streets because they have no roof over their head.

Bu that’s ok. Because it’s really important we all get pushed in the direction the “yes” brigade want.

Here are some more appalling wastes of public money I’ve come across recently.

Where I live, most of the roads have a 30 mph speed limit. Birmingham Council has spent £3 million to change a whole load of local roads to a lower 20 mph speed limit. This involves new road signs and not a lot else, as far as I can tell. Locals have been complaining that people aren’t adhering to the new speed limits. Know why? Because they’re not enforceable by the police. They’re a guideline. You can’t be prosecuted for not sticking to them, because they’re not law. Way to go with the that £3 mill, Birmingham.

Remember when New Zealand voted whether to keep the existing flag, or change to the silver fearn design? That referendum cost NZ$26m (£12m). And they kept the old flag after all.

Now I’m not an economist or an accountant, but really? Are government finance departments run by buffoons?

Actually, I think we all know the answer to that.

TWITS!

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

0

The great croissant debacle – Twit(s) of the Day

According to this morning’s news, Tesco will – from tomorrow – stop selling traditional crescent shaped croissants. This is because British consumers find them too awkward to spread filling on.

I’m not sure who’s the bigger twit here? The general British public for such a stupid opinion on a traditional food stuff, or Tesco for pandering to them?

Aside from the fact that “croissant” is defined in the Cambridge dictionary as being crescent shaped, and quite literally translates to the word crescent in French, what on earth is so difficult about it anyway?

I think the issue comes from people who are treating croissants like a bread roll that needs to be sliced open in order to spread the fillings. That’s not how to eat them. You should tear pieces off and spread or spoon the butter/jam/honey on to each chunk.

(actually, who am I, telling people how they should eat a croissant?! I should say it’s not the best way to eat them, from a sticky finger and crumby awkwardness point of view. But the internet says I’m right anyway)

The main problem is that it’s just another example of demanding consumer stupidity. Croissants are croissants. I, for one, like the shape. Way more aesthetically pleasing, and if you hold it up to your face you get a big croissant-y smile.

Croissant smile

(image from GoodyFoodies)

A straight croissant isn’t a happy croissant.

Let me know your thoughts (if you even care!)

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

0