5 ways to deal with disappointment

Person holding picture in front of their face showing a drawing of a sad face. Text: dealing with disappointment

Disappointment. It’s a fact of life. Not a nice fact of life, but one most of us have to deal with, nonetheless.

Special occasions can be a huge source of disappointment. The anticipation in the build up to the event, the high expectation to enjoy yourself and have a great time – there’s a lot of pressure. This is further exacerbated when the world around you seems to be having the best time; the most amazing birthday, fantastic holiday or cosiest Christmas.

That’s not to say all events go badly. Of course they don’t! But, if anything, that makes it even more upsetting when things don’t go to plan.

Take Christmas, as an example. Our insta feed is full of the biggest trees, the prettiest gifts, the fancy meals and family get togethers. Christmas is a pinnacle in many people’s annual calendars; we use it as a measure of how far along we are in the year, how ready we are during December (how many people have asked you if you were ready for Christmas this month?), how we feel during December (hands up if you’ve uttered the immortal “I just don’t feel Christmassy” line this year!) Of course we want it to the be the best one ever. And, if it isn’t, our heart rightly breaks a little.

The same goes for other occasions. Disappointing holidays – when we’ve spent time and effort and hard earned cash to getaway – leave us feeling crap. Disappointing gigs; maybe the band is late, or the sound is poor, or the crowd are obnoxious and spoil things (talking from experience seeing the Foo Fighters at Wembley this summer – the crowd were bloody awful) – we feel crushed.

How do we deal with it then? What can we do to ease the inevitable disappointment?

Allow ourselves time to wallow a little

It’s ok to feel angry, upset and hurt. I certainly find it helpful. Glossing over your feelings can often lead to resentment. Acknowledge the disappointment, feel it deeply, and then move on.

Direct your disappointment at the source of the cause

I’ve been guilty of taking my feelings out on the wrong people; either by being vocally upset with them or withdrawing and being sullen. That’s not fair on anyone. Make sure you’re not dragging other people into your disappointment and associated feelings.

Keep a sense of perspective

In most cases, the event we’re disappointed in or at is not a one time only opportunity. Christmas comes around once a year. So do birthdays. There will be other gigs and holidays (hopefully). Try to remember that you can always improve things next time around. If it’s a special occasion that has been spoilt, try to take the attitude that it’s “just a day”.

Try to look for a silver lining on that cloud

After the Foo Fighters gig our group of friends spent the following day together and had an absolute hoot. We drank in the sunshine, laughed at ourselves and each other, and had a great time. Despite a 2 day rainy start to our holiday in Italy, we saw the most amazing stormy skies and sunsets. It’s rare that there’s absolutely nothing good you can take from a situation.

Try to “make up for things” by arranging an alternative good time

Perhaps it’s a nice meal to cheer yourself up, or visiting friends, or just something you didn’t plan to do but know it will raise your spirits. Erase bad memories by making better ones.

Most of all, as so many people have said and will continue to say, don’t compare your bad time with the wonderful lives of friends and followers on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram. Especially Instagram! It may just leave you feeling worse, when that person’s truth may be a bigger disappointment than your own. Concern yourself with the things you can control, and try to move past the negativity and back to a shiny happy place.

(in case you were wondering, part of my Christmas was pretty crap thanks to the rotten behaviour of some people, hence the words of “wisdom”. Trying to take my own advice by making the rest of the holiday enjoyable, and memorable for the right reasons).

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

The last few days…

…have been up and down to say the least. Mainly down. The weekend started on a high, with a surprise birthday celebration for one of the husband’s old friends. It was great to see people we hadn’t seen in ages, and there was Indian food too, yum!

Unfortunately, from there on in, there was little good to report. The drive home was soured by receiving a property survey which was wildly different to what we expected (see Plans for 2017 for reference) which led to us maturely abandoning our weekend DIY plans in favour of sulking and feeling sorry for ourselves. Spirits were lifted briefly on Saturday night, when we celebrated another birthday, and I was delighted to debut my new velvet flares; I’m nothing if not resourceful/vacuous when it comes to being cheered by trivial things (more about them tomorrow).

A lazy Sunday and roast chicken dinner ended with choosing an early night over washing the pots and pans, which turned out to be a HUGE mistake because we woke on Monday morning – the most evil of all mornings at the best of times – to find a sodding leak under our kitchen sink. A considerable leak, that will no doubt drip drip drip all the way through to our downstairs neighbours (we live in a flat) and piss them off for the umpteenth time since we’ve lived there. So I’ve been unable to use my sink, dishwasher or washing machine until last night when a plumber came and gave an ambiguous response as to whether it’s fixed or not. Sigh.

In the meantime a pile of dirty dishes have built up, I’ve handwashed the husband’s work shirts (and wringing wet clothes out by hand is a workout in itself, I can tell you, and certainly more exercise than I’ve done in months!), and tried to placate the manchild into better spirits with takeaway, beer, wine, fake cheeriness and sitting on my hands to stop myself clonking him on the head in frustration.

On the plus side I scored this little light up beauty from Store TwentyOne for the bargain sale price of £7.

store-twentyone-lightup-carnival-star-lamp

It also comes in white. It’ll look nice in our new home, if we ever get to fecking move…

What’s going on in your world? Let me know in the comments!

Thanks, as always, for reading! x

The life/enjoyment balance

I never say no to doing stuff on the grounds of no money. I never have (that’s how I ended up with almost £5k credit card debt and a part time second job in a pub when I was in my mid 20s – a great life lesson in getting into, and out of, debt). I’m very afraid of missing out and feeling regret. I’m very of the mindset that life is for living, you can’t take it (it being money) with you, and other clichés which justify my commitment to spending (or occasionally overspending) all of my wages each month.

It’s not all about money. Of course most things have a cost associated with them, but there’s also the time factor. I worked out that between now and the end of November we only have 4 free weekends. Not all our weekends are full from beginning to end. But there are only 4 where we have absolutely nothing to do. And that scares me a little! The commitment of having to be somewhere or do something can be overwhelming at times, especially during a busy week when all you want to do when the weekend arrives is sit in front of the TV in pyjamas.

Life balance

This weekend of chilling at home has made me remember that time doing nothing is as precious as time doing stuff.

It just so happens that lots of things fall together. There are special birthday parties and weddings. There are bands that we want to see who don’t play very often (or, in the case of Motley Crue, ever again) who we feel we can’t miss. There are places to visit and things to see and the need for a holiday to relax that we also need to squeeze into the equation. And all of these things, and the fear of missing out, have led to an overstretch of money and time this year.

It doesn’t help that we have both changed jobs – husband through choice and me through the necessity of redundancy. We have both taken salary drops, not massive, but enough to make a difference. In real terms – happiness, and commute, and job security – we are richer for it. In disposable income terms, we’re not!

I’m very much a want-it-all type of person. I think many people are these days. And I can see no better use of money and time than travelling the world. Making memories. Having experiences that you will enjoy not only at the time, but in years to come. I have never craved a big house, I prefer to invest my money in enjoyment rather than bricks and mortar (oh, and in my wardrobe too!). I’m already thinking ahead to next year, and what to do and where to go on holiday. Always wanting more.

Maybe it’s an only child thing (any excuse to not take responsibility for my own actions!)

At some point, something will have to give. Our home has taken a back seat to our travels in the last couple of years but, having lived there for 10 years, it’s in need of some TLC – which is going to need the time and money that are currently in such short supply! So if bands could stop touring, and friends could stop getting married, and people could postpone their birthdays – just for a few months next year – I’d be most grateful.